Changing Our Lives One Donkey at a Time

Humans have been telling stories to each other and to themselves for a very long time. Current research shows that we are hard-wired, neurologically, to navigate the world through the stories we tell about it, whether they are myths, folktales, novels, the latest detective series, telling a friend over coffee what happened last night, or telling ourselves who we think we are.

Our lives and story are inextricably intertwined, so a story about how this works is a great place to start!

 The Mullah Nasruddin is a wise man of Persian Sufi folklore and here he is helping a man literally change his experience of reality :)

The Tiny Big House    

One day, a man comes to see Nasruddin  and says,   “I’ve been told that you’re really wise and I need your help. I have a huge problem.”

Nasruddin smiles and says,   

“What’s your problem?”   

The man says,   

“Well, my wife and I have seven children, and the house we live in is just too small, and we just…well…everyone’s shouting all the time. Every day the children are fighting, my wife’s screaming and none of us are happy. My wife and I used to be so happy together and now all we do is argue. And it's all because we live in this small house, but we can’t afford anywhere else and I just don't know what to do…”

Nasruddin looks at the man kindly and asks,

“Do you have any animals?”   

The man blinks,   “Yes. Yes, I’ve got 12 chickens and…”

Nasruddin interrupts him,

“Okay. Go back home and bring the twelve chickens into the house.”

So the man goes home and brings their twelve chickens into the house while his wife looks on incredulously. They squawk and flap  onto the chairs and table, and four of them find their way onto the beds. It’s  mayhem. His wife is furious, but he tells her that it’s Nasruddin’s idea.  The next day he goes back.

“I did what you said, but it’s just made everything worse.”

Nasruddin grins,

“Good!” Have you got any more animals?”   

“Err…I have two goats and… “

“Wonderful, go back and bring them into the house as well, and come back tomorrow.”

The man opens his mouth, but then closes it, stares at Nasruddin for a few moments, then turns to go home.  The next day he’s back.

“Nasruddin, you’re laughing at me. The goats climbed onto the table and ate our dinner, then they chased the chickens, the children are all fighting and my wife has threatened to leave me.”

Nasruddin puts his hand on the man’s shoulder.   

“Do you have any more animals?”

“…A donkey…”

“Go home and bring the donkey into the house, and come back tomorrow.”

The man walked away shaking his head, but the next day he’s back and comes right up to Nasruddin.

“The donkey’s taken over the house, we’re all pushed up against the walls, the chickens are terrified, the goats eat everything, my children are crying all the time and my wife hates me. You said you’d help me, but you’re mad, you’re absolutely mad.”   

Nasruddin held his gaze and said quietly,

“There's only one more thing you have to do. Just one tiny thing. Go home, take all the animals out of the house and come back tomorrow.”

The next morning the man comes back. He’s laughing.

“Nasruddin, I’m so sorry I've wasted your time. When I took the animals out I realised we’ve got more space than I ever thought we had. It's incredible. We’re all so happy. Even the children are getting on with each other.”

✮   

Okay. We all saw it coming! We don't know how big or small the house actually is, but we do know something: Let's look a bit closer at the beginning and end, and notice that the external circumstances are absolutely identical: the house, it’s size (whatever it is) and the people who are living there. The only thing that changes is the story they’re telling about it. This changed thinking changes their behaviour, which in turn changes the way they talk to each other, which is most definitely what the characters would consider ‘real’!   So could the shouting and the screaming at the beginning really be the house’s fault?! If it was, how COULD their lives possibly change even for a moment at the end, when the house is exactly the same?!  Can you catch a gap?

Is there anything playing out in your life right now that might benefit from some time out to consider the effect twelve chickens, two goats and a donkey might have on your thinking about it?!

If you’d like to download a free 12 page pdf that explores further how the stories we tell ourselves determine what we ‘see’ and how to change them, you can find: “The Cinderella Experiment: Story, Life and Magic” HERE